Pregnancy Fears: Death | East Texas Moms Blog

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In everything I do and everything I watch, there seems to be a common denominator. Death. I realize this doesn’t sound like a positive thing, but I started thinking about what that means. Most television shows I watch, most conversations I have, most articles I read all seem to include something about end of life.

Am I the only one noticing this?

I am currently pregnant with our third child, so I think it is natural to think about death because I think a lot about new life. To me, these things go hand-in-hand. You cannot have life without death and vice versa. The thing that worries me is that I seem to notice death more than normal and the sheer amount of times it comes up in one day feels surreal.

I don’t want to play the blame game with my hormones because I don’t even know if that is a legit thing to blame. The fact of the matter is that death scares me. It doesn’t scare me because I know what I believe and I trust what I know. The thing that scares me is leaving my children. Even as I type that it seems like a selfish thing to say. I believe that as pregnant women, we have all these extra worries that roll around in our mind daily.

I guess worrying about death is just another one to add to my list.

It doesn’t help that when I went to preregister at the hospital, they asked me if I have a living will. I think that would probably jostle anyone. Here I am, planning the birth and life of another human and these people want to ask me if I have anything written down about my death.

I know they are just doing their job. At the same time, it opens another flood gate for my thoughts. Then the conversations start. I feel like it is necessary to talk to my husband about what would happen if I did die. What are his plans for taking care of our kids? How would he work and provide for them? What if we both died and needed someone else to care for our children? How can you ask another person to take on one kid, let alone three? I know this is a lot to process for anyone, never mind the fact that I have tons of pregnancy hormones working against me.

Of course, we all know those horrible stories that we hear. A friend of a friend lost her baby in the third trimester, just days before she was to deliver. A woman died after giving birth because of unforeseen complications.

Every single time I go to the doctor, I find myself holding my breath as he listens for the baby’s heartbeat.

If I don’t feel the baby kicking, I get nervous. It is so damaging to your heart when you hear about a child passing away. Like I said, it seems like death just surrounds me at times.

I have found that in times like these, it is best to practice some breathing techniques. For me, I like to go to a semi-quiet spot in the house and read a Bible verse. I try to call upon friends who I know can take my mind off of things. Sure, I already know that fears never truly go away. I also know that they can only consume you if you let them. Today, I have decided to write these fears down because they help me process my thoughts.

Have any of you experienced these kids of worries or fears during pregnancy?

 

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“Y’all” and “Fixin” were things this born and raised Ohioan never thought would become part of her daily vocabulary. After graduating from Muskingum University with a degree in journalism, Merrideth found herself a true-blooded East Texan and followed him down here. Nine years and many cultural lessons later, Merrideth is learning to balance life as a teacher, wife to a busy entrepreneur, and mother to three kids. She has a mild obsession with reading books before they become movies, Mexican food, and any song by George Strait. Since becoming a Texas transplant, she has committed to living a more active and healthy lifestyle. Travel is her love language! Before she turns the big 4-0, she plans to learn how to Texas two-step, visit Italy with her husband, and publish a novel. You can get to know her better by visiting her blog at pipelinewife.wordpress.com.