Tears at the Kitchen Sink | East Texas Moms Blog

All of a sudden I found myself standing over the kitchen sink, with pizza dough caked to my fingers, crying.

I just couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.

Two hours earlier I made an emergency trip to Brookshires, for ingredients to make our favorite homemade pizza in honor of Family Movie Night.

But somehow in my haste of creating the famous pizza, I had forgotten to put the salt in the dough for the crust.

As a result the dough was sticky. It stuck to the bread pan and covered our fingers as my daughter and I tried to roll it out. Apparently salt does more than just add flavor. It also contributes to the texture of the dough.

I thought it was ruined. I couldn’t imagine what the crust would taste like without salt! There was supposed to be 2 tsp in it!

After running to the store and then preparing the pizza, only for it to fail, it was just too much.  

Thus the scene at the sink.

But it was more than just the pizza.

The other part is this thing called homeschooling that God has called me to. Y’all have to understand that I don’t possess the ability to homeschool apart from God’s grace.

I am not a teacher by nature. I have no official training and most days, it isn’t my passion. And yet I am teaching three children, 10th, 7th, and 4th grade.

I don’t know how to keep it all straight!

How do I challenge my kids yet enjoy the flexibility of homeschool? How do I teach 10th grade literature? Algebra 2? And the biggest question of all: will it work?

Because I have no Plan B.

When I’m thinking clearly and have slept 8 hours recently, I know it will. I know the Lord will work and accomplish His purposes through me and my children. I know it. I’m #allin.

But on the days when the pizza dough I’ve worked on for 2 hours looks like it flopped, when my to-do list outweighs my “want-to” list and “have-time-to” list, when I forget to make the deposit again, and leave the wet clothes in the washer all day and all night twice, I wonder, Lord, are You sure? I am such a mess!

Do you see the downward spiral here? Have you ever gone there yourself?

Well, my sweet husband, seeing me fall apart limb by limb before his very eyes, listened to me blubber about all I haven’t done. He looked at me and said, “STOP Julie. These are all lies. Stop listening to them!”

“Oh, I wish it were that easy,” I told him. “When I get run down like this – the condemning voices in my head are so loud. So loud. All day I’ve battled with them. I’m not strong enough to combat them,” I said. “Can you tell me something I’ve done good or right this week?”

It sounded so silly to ask. I don’t want to depend on people’s praises to feel good about myself. But I need the help of people who know and love me to speak truth and drown out the loud, condemning voices.

So Adam started listing off things I’ve done well – it still sounds silly to write. He said, “You haven’t missed serving a meal. You’ve kept the children alive, and you’ve started some much needed new online processes at work.”

Then he did something even more embarrassing. He called our kids in the little office room we were in. Y’all, my eyes were blotchy, red and swollen! I didn’t want my kids seeing me… that’s why I hid in that room!

But what unfolded was beautiful. He told the kids I was struggling and then said, “Let’s help mom combat those voices by telling her all she’s done right this week.”

One by one the kids started listening off things –

  • Clothes shopping in Tyler
  • Yummy meals
  • Help with school work
  • Reading books

And then my daughter (who can never leave the house now) said, “But mom, it’s not just what you do. It’s the person you are that’s special.”

Sniff sniff. “Thanks babe,” I said.

Isn’t that sweet?! And guess what happened to the negative, condemning voices in my head? They disappeared!

Sometimes the thing that sounds silly is the very thing we need to overcome the obstacles in front of us. And what about the pizza? Well, it actually turned out wonderfully! We’ve even cut back on the salt since then.

What about you? What voices are you listening? Who can you go to for help to speak truth over the lies and condemnation? If you need some encouragement today, reach out to us in the comments or on Facebook. We don’t have it all figured out, but are glad to listen!

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A native East Texan, Julie Steck struggles with captious thinking and can fear one wrong decision will permanently ruin her life. Through the grace of God and the love of her husband she has learned to recognize the voice of fear in her head and not let it have a vote, freeing her to enjoy life’s choices. Julie met her husband Adam on the banks of the neighborhood trailer park pool where Julie worked as the pool attendant, and Adam obviously needed swimming lessons. They never looked back after that first day and married two years later at the ripe old age of 18. Today they own Southwest Steel Buildings in Mineola while raising their 3 kids, Caleb, Mackenzie and Zach. When not writing, Julie enjoys date nights at Wasabi, supporting overseas missionaries, staring at the mountains in Colorado and remodeling their kitchen over the holidays. To find out more, you can check out her book No More Secrets: Set Free from Fear, Shame and Control by Discovering True Grace or follow her blog at juliesteck.com.