Your circle. That’s what we call friends as we get older. Those people that you can truly trust. They are real – not fake – and in sync with your style, expectations, and goals in life.
But, what if finding that special circle is hard for you?
What if you desperately desire to have that closeness with friends, but the right people just don’t seem to be popping up?
How do you find YOUR mom circle?
Be Honest: From experience, I can say that being honest and upfront with friends will allow you to have a natural, raw friendship built on a strong foundation. Just like marriage, your girlfriends will be there for you in the best and worst of times, so you have to have a solid base in order to weather the storms.
Be Yourself: Not all people will like you, and you will not like all people. That is ok. But, you get into trouble when you start faking your identity in order to please and fit in with a group or crowd that is not you. Your tribe will never judge what you wear, the cleanliness of your house, the behavior of your children, or the amount of money you make. Since you have been honest, they like you for you. and you never have to pretend to be someone you are not.
Be There: Going back to the golden rule of our preschool days- “Treat others as you would like to be treated.” You’ve got to be willing to make commitments a priority. Show up when plans have been made, initiate lunch dates, play dates, or even a quick run to Target. When your friend mentions something that is on her mind, you will have to be willing to listen – because that is what a true friend does. You can not expect to gain a meaningful friend if the thoughtfulness and generosity are only one sided. Friendship is definitely a bicycle built for two – and both have to peddle.
Put Yourself Out There: Friends are not Amazon packages; they will not just show up at your door. You will have to get over any apprehensions and introverted-isms in order to initially track down your girls. In order to find authentic friendships that you can begin to cultivate into your circle, you will need to find groups and organizations that attract people just like you.
- Church Groups: Many churches have a MOPS group or something similar where moms can gather to create supportive relationships. Look up your local churches to see what is available in your area. You’d be surprised how many there are.
- Neighbors: It may seem a tad creepy, but scope out your neighborhood moms to see which ones you think would jive well with your personality. Having kids of similar ages is a bonus and will only strengthen your bond. Take a leisurely walk around the hood after dinner – it’s a great way to catch families outside and you can strike up a conversation!
- Children’s Organizations: Through school, sports, and other extracurriculars, moms are a-plenty. Initiate conversations and get a feel for their different personalities. But remember – not all people will like you, and that is ok – those just are not your people. Your aim is to not make friends with everyone, but yet to foster a few strong bonds.
- Co-Workers: If you’ve already got a co-worker that you mesh well with, take the next step and see if she wants to maybe grab lunch one day, drinks after work, or a play date on a Saturday. You just have to show your friend that you are willing and the chips will fall into place.
- Mommy Fitness Groups: Local mommy fitness groups are all the rage these days. You’ve surrounded yourself with a group of women that have the same goals as you – to get fit mentally and physically. Fit4MOM is a new group organized in Tyler that provides fitness classes and a network of moms to support every stage of motherhood. Visit their website in order to try a free class!
Bottom line is that you’re going to have to put yourself out there and be willing to take chances. Not all of your initiatives will result in a strong friendship, but when you find that one special person – you will just know. Be honest, be yourself, and the rest will work itself out.